Our culture of masculinity is dominance-based. Which means boys and men are trained to validate their masculinity by dominating those around them including women. The result is that beginning in infancy, boys are bullied out of human connection and community. By the time boys reach late adolescence, their suicide rates become four times that of girls their age. It’s what Niobe Way calls a “crisis of connection.”

While tens of thousands of men and women are working to replace man box culture with a masculine culture of connection most boys are still at the mercy of the man box. …

A new report says that 11 women and girls are raped or sexually assaulted in every London borough every week. This link is to the ITV report on Twitter.

This is exactly the kind of data that millions of us men refuse to accept. Millions of us simply can not accept that we are part of a culture that is creating an epidemic of violence. We #NotAllMen the issue, avoid our own contributions to a culture of masculinity which denigrates women. We avoid looking at all.

Men’s work is to look directly at this. All of it. To see how…

There’s a male supremacist narrative out there that increasingly more women are going to college than men because of educational bias, unfair advantages, and so on. Just like every other male supremacy talking point, it’s based on a male victimhood narrative, cuz that’s how male supremacy works.

These narratives always have a grain of truth. Yes, boys are struggling in many educational contexts. Yes, a lot of programs have been implemented to encourage women in STEM and other areas. Fine. We get that. We need to address what’s going on for boys. Thanks for that grain.

But why do women…

Women challenging men’s abusive behavior doesn’t mean women hate us. But for men, losing the right to dominate women can feel like loss of identity. When dominating women is central to our performance of manhood, having the power to do so taken away leaves men unsure of who we are.

This is why too many men become enraged when our abuse is blocked by women’s growing equity and power. Raised in dominance-based Man Box masculinity, millions of us never learned the relational capacities we need to form fully authentic balanced relationships. Dominance/anger is all we have.

Among the capacities boys…

It's exactly this kind of muddled male victimhood narrative that is used to recruit boys and men into MRA and Incel culture. Thanks for showing us what it looks like.

Men’s Rights Activists weaponize men’s trauma to drive male supremacy narratives. Weirdly, both male and white supremacists lean heavily into male victimhood narratives. “We’re being erased.” It’s a crucial piece of how they convince their populations to justify violence.

Make no mistake. Men are in pain. We do need advocates. This is the work I do, advocating for boys and men. Men are dealing with very real and ongoing trauma inflicted by our dominance-based culture of masculinity. …

What’s going wrong? Here’s ten years of my writing and research on masculinity in a nutshell → Our dominance-based Man Box culture of masculinity is a deeply harmful closed loop, sustained by the very men who suffer its isolating and traumatizing impact. It’s killing us and those whose lives we impact. Including those we love.

Man Box culture, the rules for being a man as enforced by our collective dominance-based culture of masculinity, is a closed loop of trauma inflicted on boys beginning in infancy. First it cuts us off from connection and community. …

The victim mindset is how male and white supremacists justify violence and murder. It’s the same poisonous frame employed by domestic violence abusers. “See what you made me do.”

Male and white extremist’s target is all of us.

The weaponizing of victimhood is a response baked into our dominance-based man box culture of masculinity. Never self reflect, don’t look at your own culpability, don’t consider how you might change and grow. As men, the problem is ALWAYS external to our group, our gender. Our only way forward is to blame others, double down on dominance.

Extremist recruitment is driven by…