Language is a powerful tool. My position is that it sometimes creates more problems then it solves. I didn’t disagree with Hillary Clinton’s description of some Trump supporters as deplorables. But the term itself fired up her opposition and in a short time, the word became the issue instead of the behaviors it referenced.
When I find that happening an any discussion about masculinity, I attempt to shift, to avoid handing others a free rhetorical club to beat me over the head with. I understand that for many people, standing your ground on language like this is crucial. It’s a time honored approach but it can encourage binaries and entrenched positions.
Say what you will about the need for sticking with certain language, my goal is to shift men’s collective focus to a conversation about our toxic culture and how we are conditioned to perform a version of manhood that is killing us. If certain language makes getting to THAT conversation harder, I’ll find language that works better for me.