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Men Who Oppose Violence Against Women and Girls But…

#NotAllMen is at the heart of millions of men’s self-deception about power and control.

Mark Greene
2 min readDec 5, 2021


Millions of men oppose violence against women but still see men as rightfully having power over women and girls. The disconnect this represents is huge; for men to consider themselves as rightfully having power over women and girls and failing to see such a belief as fundamentally violent.

It is these same men who fail to see their presumption of the right to control women as violence, who are the first to yell #NotAllMen when male violence is called out.

The continuation of male control over women is predicated on a presumption of benevolence by men, even as we strip away agency from women. “I care for women. I treat women well. I also have power over women because I’m a man. But I’m a good man.”

This self-deception by men, that we can both be good to women and deserving of power over them, forms the foundation of our dominance-based culture of masculinity. The end result is a spectrum of abuse, from smallest micro aggression like “talking over women,” to economic and political violence against women, to outright femicide. Every man is free to choose how his version of control over women will play out. And millions of men of are making very violent choices because the rest of us insure that right of control remains in place.

Until we, as men, give up the generations old presumption of men’s right to control women, girls, and non binary people, we are the source of the violence. No matter how we behave.

Men. We categorically CAN NOT be good to any group that we also presume to have power over. It is impossible.

Want to understand exactly how our dominance-based culture of masculinity trains boys into seeing girls and women as less? Get a copy of The Little #MeToo Book for Men. All books, podcasts, Youtube links here:



Mark Greene

Working toward a culture of healthy masculinity. Links to our books, podcasts, Youtube and more: