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Men Who Oppose Violence Against Women and Girls But…
#NotAllMen is at the heart of millions of men’s self-deception about power and control.
Millions of men continue to see themselves as rightfully having power over women and girls. Research data from Equimundo (Formerly Promundo-US) and others confirms this belief. Yet many of these same men would profess to oppose violence against women and girls. The disconnect this represents is huge. That any man among us can consider himself as rightfully having power over women and girls while failing to see such a belief as fundamentally violent.
The millions of men who fail to see this are also the first to yell #NotAllMen when male violence is called out. You want to know why #NotAllMen is so aggravating for women to hear? This is why.
Men’s collective moral failure to end the patriarchal need for control over women is predicated on a presumption of benevolence by men, even as we strip away agency from women. “I care for women. I treat women well. Yes, I also have power over women because I’m a man. But I’m a good man.”
The end result of men’s morally corrupting self-deception is a spectrum of abuse against women and non-binary folks, from the smallest micro aggressions like “talking over women,” to economic and political violence against women, to outright femicide.
This is because every man in a patriarchal system like ours is free to choose how his version of control over women will play out. And millions of men are making very violent choices because the rest of our collective inaction ensures that presumption of a right of control remains in place.
Until we, as men, give up the generations old presumption of men’s right to control women, girls, and non binary people, we are the source of the violence. No matter how we behave.
Men. We categorically CAN NOT be good to any group that we also presume to have power over. It is impossible.
Want to understand exactly how our dominance-based culture of masculinity trains boys into seeing girls and women as less? Get a copy of The Little #MeToo Book for Men. All books, podcasts, Youtube links here: https://linktr.ee/RemakingManhood
Want to understand exactly how our dominance-based culture of masculinity trains boys into seeing girls and women as less? Get a copy of The Little #MeToo Book for Men. All books, podcasts, Youtube links here: https://linktr.ee/RemakingManhood
