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Men’s Work and the Wounded Child
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to protect you.”
Given how much trauma is done to boys and men over the course of our lives by our Man Box culture of masculinity, by the time we even CONSIDER doing some self reflection, some kind of men’s work, it can feel like looking into a dark well with no bottom.
I wish I could tell you men’s work is easy or quick. It’s not. As young boys, the world bullies us out of authentic emotional expression and connection. Once we’re isolated, hiding our authentic selves, it slots us into a hierarchical dominance-based culture of masculinity
For years, often for decades, we struggle to live up to Man Box culture’s rules for being a man. Be tough. Don’t show emotion. Get lots of sex. Make lots of money. Control women and girls. Never show pain. Talk sex or cars, nothing deep. Be heterosexual. Etc.
Rules, Judy Chu shows in her book When Boys Become Boys, we are trained to take on at age FOUR or earlier. Before we’re even old enough to understand what’s happening to us, we let go of our authentic connecting selves, hide our emotional acuity, take on false stoic facades.
Watch the joy boys show in their friendships. We’ve all seen it in our young sons. By late adolescence, boys let go of close friendships. Niobe Way documents this in her…
