AJ, thanks for you comments.
My article is as a critique of our narrow and controlling culture of manhood. Our individual male agency is quite real, and it resides in our choice to accept how our culture bullies us into the man box, or to rebel and perform a much wider more liberated expession of gender.
That is the choice confronting us. And it has NOTHING to do with how we are seen by women. It has everything to do with how we see ourselves and with why we are deeply unhappy. Your statement the women “bitch slap us back and forth between shame and desire” is a direct product of our culture of manhood which cuts us off from understanding ourselves. If you have shame and desire, learn to understand it and take responsibility for it.
Our culture victimizes us and teaches us to blame women. The way you gender the term “bitch slapping” is a very clear marker of exactly what I’m talking about. In our language, our programming is revealed. We all have it. The man box is what is “bitch slapping” us here.