Thanks for sharing, Kenneth. Two things:
1) It’s never too late to change.
2) There are millions of men who feel what you feel.
If I may, I feel your stoic strength is and should be a source of pride for you. The next stage may be to engage more emotionally in how you connect in the world. You’re strength will help you push past the restrictions placed on you. This is not my agenda for you. Based on your words here, it is clearly your goal for yourself and trust me on this, you will love it.