Walking Talking Men: My Friend Mark and I Did a Thing
Loneliness is at epidemic levels for men, so my friend Mark Wiedmann and I did a thing. In NYC? You can join us. We’re at WalkingTalkingMen (at) gmail (dot) com. In another city? Start your own walk.
For the record: Walking Talking Men is not therapy and we are not therapists. We are not seeking to sell services. We are simply sharing information about how we are creating community for men in our neighborhood. Any man who wants more friendship and local community can do this in any place, anywhere.
That’s it.
If you go to our website, Walking Talking Men, this is what you’ll see on the home page:
Who are we?
We are a group of men, currently in the NYC Upper West Side area, who get together in Central Park a few times a week and simply walk and talk.
Our purpose:
- To give men a non-judgmental space to talk about what’s going on for us
- To open the door to a community of local friendships with men in a world that often makes that difficult to find/maintain
- We are a non-religious, non politically affiliated group
We have four rules:
• No political subjects
• Use “I” statements
• Resist judgement, and lean into listening to each other
• All conversations are confidential
Want to walk? Contact us: walkingtalkingmen (at) gmail (dot) com
And with that post, six weeks ago, my friend Mark Wiedmann and I started Walking Talking Men on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. It probably began before that, when Mark and I first had coffee over two years ago. We were both parents at our sons’ high school (Our sons are in college now) and having coffee was a normal social thing for two dads to do.
But for some reason, we kept having coffee and talking. We’ve been having a weekly coffee for years now. A hundred times? I don’t know. I’ve lost count. Over the course of time, surface level conversations became a bit deeper. We started talking about more significant stuff going on in our lives. We have become friends who now rely on each other to hold space for even difficult stuff that’s going on. It’s. not always deep stuff. On any given day we might be talking about movies or gaming or whatever else.
As simple as this story of a friendship is, I’m struck by how rare it can be in men’s lives. Hell, it’s been rare in my life. Although I have friends from high school and folks I know in other ways, all of those friendships typically amount to people I talk to once or twice a year. My friendship with Mark is something else entirely. And it exists simply because we have had enough conversations to really get to know each other.
I told Mark I was thinking about doing this Walking Talking Men thing. It’s not my idea originally. There’s a group of guys called Men Walking and Talking who have been doing something similar in the UK since 2021. But I told Mark I was thinking about it and that I had a lot of doubts about it. He said, “We should do this.” And that was it. His support made doing it a reality.
In my original post on Reddit inviting goys to join us and walk included this research data:
“Cigna and other major organizations regularly share research confirming that over 50% of people in the US feel ‘sometimes or always alone.’ Such levels of isolation have health impacts equal to smoking. Lonely people face higher levels of heart disease, neurodegenerative disease, diabetes, cancer and so on. Many men struggle with loneliness even as we are busy working, caring for our kids, dealing with the daily demands of life. But research shows that men with a robust circle of friendships live longer healthier lives, have better marriages and relationships, feel more optimistic and are more successful in our personal and professional lives.”
Cigna research: https://newsroom.thecignagroup.com/loneliness-in-america
The Harvard Study of Adult Development is another powerful resource for understanding how connection and friendships dramatically improves quality of life. Here’s a quote from a TED Talk by Program Director Robert Waldinger. This is from about 7:15 minutes in.
“Social connections are really good for us and loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community are happier, they’re physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected.”
Seems like something we should care about, yeah?
At this writing, I have only ever posted one time inviting men to walk and talk. That was a month ago. Guys responding often said things like, “Yeah, this is something I need to do.” Men know we need this. We just don’t know how to get it done.
Walking Talking Men is a simple mechanism to get it done. We have had six walks and the results are already life changing. Men I didn’t know four weeks ago are now part of my life. Men from completely new networks of connection.
For example, just yesterday. Mark and I were getting our weekly coffee in Moca Coffee on Broadway. We’re talking about some stuff, movies, I don’t know, whatever it was, and in walks Ben, a guy who has been joining us on walks.
“Hey I saw you guys in here, mind if I join you?” A friend in our neighborhood, saw us as he was walking down the street, and came in to hang out. Local. Purely accidental. And not accidental at all. The intentional result of taking a risk, of walking and talking. Hasn’t happened to me in ten years on the Upper West Side of New York City.
Now it has.
There are a reasons why millions of us men don’t have close friends nearby that we can rely on. These reasons are cultural, social, contextual, driven by a whole lot of factors. But any man who wants to, can join a walk, or start their own.
And here’s the most important thing to understand. It’s like exercise. One time changes little. But if you walk and talk enough times with friends, something entirely new emerges. Friendships that transcend the disconnection we all often feel, giving us the community and connection we can rely on to help us get through life’s challenges and also celebrate the great stuff that happens.
There’s a lot more about the power of friendships I can talk about. There’s a ton of data and research out there, but I’ll stop here for now. But I’ll leave you with this. Any man who wants to invite men to walk and talk can do this. Just post in your local social media of choice and see who responds. I promise you, it is life changing. There are some resources to help you get going on our website.
Questions or comments? You can reach us at walkingtalkingmen (at) gmail (dot) com.