We’re So Done with the Joyless Masculinity of JD Vance and Donald Trump
Why millions of men are making the “dad energy” of Tim Walz the new normal.
I’ve written about our generations old Man Box culture of masculinity for decades. The systems and structures which define it. The research which confirms it from organizations like Equimundo and the change which is pushing it towards collapse. And a big part of that collapse is that millions of men are sick of it.
Dominance-based Man Box culture is the generations old set of rules for being a “real man” that include don’t show emotions, always be tough, talk about cars or sports never anything deep, be a breadwinner not a caregiver, be straight never gay, show power over women and girls.
In a nutshell, boys’ natural capacities for showing love and connection are bullied out of us by a Man Box culture which shames us for wanting or needing close friendships. See the research of Niobe Way author of Deep Secrets and Rebels with a Cause. See Judy Chu’s When Boys Become Boys.
Once young boys’ expression/connection in the world is broken, we are slotted into a dominance-based masculine hierarchy and told we have to show dominance over others, especially women, or we’ll lose status. And in a system like that, you don’t ever want to lose status.
So, we bully others, bully women, bully each other. In this way, men enforce hyper-competitive, deeply isolating lives on each other every single day and on all those whose lives we impact. The epidemic of loneliness which results has a health impact equal to smoking. Men die earlier of heart disease, cancer and diabetes.
And yet, Donald Trump, JD Vance, and the entire Christian nationalist MAGA Republican Party are doubling down on dominance-based Man Box culture, a culture which dreams of returning to a time when women had absolutely no legal, political or personal rights. This level of extremism in Man Box culture sustains itself because the loneliness, anxiety and anger which results for boys and young men makes them prime candidates for recruitment by white and male supremacists. Boys and men are encouraged to blame women, feminists, liberals for the disconnection and loss they feel. Because to place the blame where it really belongs, on the boys and men in our own lives, would signal weakness in the very culture that makes us disconnected, isolated and reactive.
When Kamala Harris says, “We’re not going back,” she’s talking about not going back to a time when women had no rights, but she’s also saying something else which every women understands. “We’re not going back to those kinds of men.”
Kamala Harris’s powerful message which is defining the Democratic Party represents a long-term progressive trend which is accelerating the decades long Republican spiral into extremism triggered by women’s, LGBTQI folks’, Black people’s, immigrants’, and many others’ growing political, economic and social power.
And now a new population of men has entered the political arena by the millions, allied with women against the MAGA movement. Millions of men have broken out of Man Box culture and we are also not going back, are creating on the fly a new culture of masculinity defined by a healthy masculine expression and joyful connection. For decades, men have been doing our personal work, becoming deeply engaged parents, learning to support everyone in our communities and workplaces as equal partners.
The result? Our loneliness is ending, our community and connection has grown and we’re living longer, healthier, more purposeful lives. We’re learning what it means to to love and be loved. Things we knew as young boys we are rediscovering anew. Joy. We’re learning about joy.
Which brings us to Tim Walz, the Democratic Vice-Presidential candidate. A man who is being described as a guy with “dad energy.” Someone made a website called Tim Walz Fixed Your Bicycle. He’s exuberant, joyful, and he’s ready to stand up for women even as he supports a woman to lead us all. And while he’s got that Dad energy, Walz is also and fierce and determined political fighter for all of us. Don’t ever confuse joy with weakness. Walz breaks the Man Box in every way, and he is the tipping point for the millions of men who are sick of Man Box culture.
What are we sick of? The same thing everyone else is sick of. Donald Trump, JD Vance and all the MAGA Republicans, their Project 2025 policies, the arrogant way they speak, their contempt for women (and everyone else), their constant pumped up aggression. MAGA bullying energy is deeply familiar to all men. It’s the same school yard bully energy men have faced all our lives. Energy designed to make us keep our mouth shuts and go along.
MAGA Republicans’ lives, careers, success, and self-validation depend on being bullies. The accelerating spiral into ever more extreme political positions has erupted into an open war against women’s right to control their own bodies. Criminalizing abortion has led to challenging access to birth control and IVF. We have JD Vance wanting a data base to track women’s menstrual cycles. Republicans in red states are protecting the right to marry children, they are forcing girls to have their rapist’s babies, and in Christian nationalist circles they are saying the quiet part out loud. They want to repeal the 19th Amendment and end women’s right to vote. Why? They’re signaling dominance to each other. These weak authoritarian MAGA men are desperate to show they can display power over women, because these cowards are afraid of EACH OTHER. Of losing status in a pecking order of bullies. They’re scared of losing status in our patriarchal Man Box culture of masculinity.
And the Man Box is failing. It’s failing even with the GOP’s own base. CNN is reporting “According to polling, Vice President Kamala Harris is gaining momentum with White voters without a college education in key swing states ahead of the 2024 election.” Even those folks are starting to have their doubts as MAGA extremism does the only thing it can do, spiral further into authoritarianism.
Man Box culture is collapsing. Which means MAGA Republicans will be at their most dangerous. They will do everything they can to suppress the vote, bully voters at polling places, refuse to certify the election, and resort to Jan 6 violence again, or even worse.
We must show up, volunteer, donate, and VOTE. We must be ready to fight the terrible economic, political, and personal violence Man Box culture has always resulted in. But this is what change looks like. The 2024 election will be another savage attack by Republican men who can’t let go of their failing culture of masculinity. And the men of the healthy masculinity movement stand ready to fight for Kamala Harris because, just like millions of women, we’re not going back either.
Mark Greene’s books, podcasts and other resources are here: https://linktr.ee/RemakingManhood
