Why Calling It ‘Toxic Masculinity’ Isn’t Helping
Compassion is how we win this thing
If we are to address the challenges presented by American masculinity, we need to start by stating what we hope would be obvious: masculinity is not toxic; our culture’s narrow, conformist, violent, bullying, man-box version of it is.
Being clear in this way serves an important purpose. Language that critiques men’s culture (toxic culture of masculinity) is received differently than language that critiques men’s personal sense of self (toxic masculinity). Culture is a construct, formed and shaped by all of us. It represents not us as individuals, but a collective agreement on how we should behave. No one’s entirely happy with culture, so people are more curious about and open to cultural critiques.
A term like toxic masculinity, even if we sense some truth in it, doesn’t invite us to distinguish between ourselves as individuals and the culture we are caught up in. Which is why I always prefer to talk about culture, shifting the focus to where powerful generative change is possible while potentially reducing reactivity. And it’s a conversation that works. As more and more men come to understand we are all victims of man-box culture, change is accelerating.
